Pause

Posted on June 9, 2013


Life is moving, pages turning,
Words don’t slow down, my mind can’t keep up

Eyes are blinking faster, faster
Ever doing, never slowing
Clock is ticking, where’s it going

My only solace is your presence
Holy Spirit, give me guidance

When life’s battles overwhelm me
When the shadows dim what’s in me

Show me again where you found me
Where shattered life was made anew

Revised version

Pause

Life like water flows lifting my feet
Words tumble over cerebral rocks

My mind a lotto machine
Blepharospasms worsen
Where will it end

My only solace, no ghost, air or water
A stream of stillness

Holy Spirit–steady me in torrents
Where you found me and made me new

dversepoets.com Today we revise an older poem. We wrote like a dog, and now we edit like a cat.

I found this in my archives and it is perfect for what I need today. To pause.

About Mary (tqhousecat)

I am a wife and a mother of two grown children. I love Jesus and sharing my faith through written words. I currently have a poetry blog and also write on medium.com. My main focus is hope in Christ. I only wish that whoever reads this will be blessed, inspired and occasionally amused.
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17 Responses to Pause

  1. Thank you for sharing both of these. I found the ‘after’ poem more engaging. By being more specific and using strong images ‘My mind’s a lotto machine’ (I could picture the balls bouncing around in their cage) I felt better able to understand the poet’s struggles. I also liked how you used water imagery throughout – ‘flows’ and ‘torrents’ to connect the struggle at the beginning with the prayer at the end. All best wishes and thanks again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lucy says:

    In my opinion, the second poem is a much stronger piece in its meaning. They are both stunning pieces, but with added detail, it amplifies the poem expanding beyond its meaning, and showing its evocations in such imagery that will not slip from the mind so easily. It’s remarkably haunting. Fantastic poems. I adore your writing! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. rothpoetry says:

    I really love your revision Mary. Holy Spirit … steady me through the torrents where you found me and made me new!
    A wonderful revision.
    dwight

    Liked by 1 person

  4. rivrvlogr says:

    I agree with the comments above. Your revision is stronger and more intense.

    Like

  5. kim881 says:

    Thank goodness for archives, Mary! I love where you went with the revisions, especially the opening lines with words tumbling over cerebral rocks. however, I prefer the original version of the second stanza, which gives more of a sense of speed and time passing.

    Like

  6. Ingrid says:

    A powerful reworking of an already strong poem. You had me reaching for the dictionary with ‘blepharospasms’ – wonderful word. I love the call to the Holy Spirit to steady you in torrents – a call I can identify with.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The first version is touching and heartwarming, the second one is both and more specific and visual to me. Lotto machine mind. Wow. A heartfelt praying poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. msjadeli says:

    I like your original version better, especially these lines:
    “Show me again where you found me
    Where shattered life was made anew”
    When we start to drift, reminders are good.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you. I like them both. Revision took some time.

    Like

  10. I love the image of the lotto machine…

    Like

  11. lillian says:

    The last four lines of the revised version are particularly good in my mind…..statement of faith in rushing times.

    Like

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