For Khali

Momma, am I alive?” “As steady rain.”
“Why can’t I find me, why feel I so numb?”
“Fresh as ripened grapes and Autumn’s wild grain.”
“Will I e’er be whole, or to fate succumb?”
“You ask what all have asked in our own tombs:
Sweet grapes crushed for wine, wild grain ground for bread,
Rain to quench the thirst of parched souls that tread.
Child, more alive than men who think they’re stars,
When a rose drops petals, its fragrance spreads.
Child, we feel all of you, so yes, you are!”

 

I link this to dversepoetspub.com . It is a Dizain. A 10 line poem with 10 syllables each, the last 5 lines mirroring or replying to the first 5. Rhyme scheme ababbccdcd.  This is my first attempt.

Asking for honest critique as this is for a 19 year old girl in my church who was struck by a vehicle last week and is in a coma with broken bones and some brain damage. A young, beautiful, brilliant young lady who just finished her first year at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Florida.

Her family is asking that people stop at 9:00 pm each night to pray for her and all involved. She has loving parents and 2 sisters.

Thank you!

 

About Mary (tqhousecat)

I am a wife and a mother of two grown children. I love Jesus and sharing my faith through written words. I currently have a poetry blog and also write on medium.com. My main focus is hope in Christ. I only wish that whoever reads this will be blessed, inspired and occasionally amused.
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13 Responses to For Khali

  1. Dearest Mary, I cannot comment on the style of poetry. The content, however, is beautiful. Praying for this dear child. Lord, please breathe life into her broken body. In Christ, Julie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, this is stunning! It must be the reality if the situation you describe which makes this hit home so hard: the genuine emotion coming through with great force. Line 5 is such a strong pivot!

    As a technically correct dizain, line 6 is too short and line 9 too long. As a poem, it works, and even those variations seem to be effective as they are.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. By the time I am seeing this, I find you have revised both lines – beautifully! Glad I spoke up.

    Like

  4. Frank Hubeny says:

    Nice line: “When a rose drops petals, its fragrance spreads”

    Like

  5. I am wondering how the young girl is now?

    Like

    • Amazing things are happening. Her eyes are open, but no peripheral. No speech, but she knows her family. She reached up and held her fathers hand. Brain swelling subsided. Had a feeding tube put in her belly yesterday. Today she is strong enough to have surgery on her broken shoulder. Next week possibly going to Spaulding rehab in Boston. People around the world are praying constantly. She still has a long road. Won’t know the extent of brain damage till she is fully awake, but she is moving a little and that is such a good sign. The family is broken, hurting, but oh so grateful for everyone’s prayers. SHE IS ALIVE! Thank you for asking!

      Like

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