Dusk silences the world without a sound
Snowcapped houses blend with winter’s ground
Aromas from my kitchen bid me come
Lighted with the warmth of love I’ve found
Tomorrow like a thief comes uninvited
Spins my thoughts awhirl as love unrequited
I embrace this present darkness, not in want
Hidden treasures are waiting to be sighted
dVersepoetspub.com Prompt. Another rubyiat. This time with the (6) senses. Touch, hear, smell, see, taste and kinesthetic ( that which causes us to feel and sense motion). Feedback?
mehflowers 
Love this Mary. Just read in Oswald today how we are to listen when darkness comes, for He will speak.
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I didn’t read it today. Awesome!
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blended the sense nicely Mary, love “Tomorrow like a thief comes uninvited” – in this line all the feelings of safety hug tighter in the poem
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Thank you!
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Reblogged this on NANMYKEL.COM and commented:
Lovely.
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Thank you. How sweet!
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This is wonderful, Mary! (And I see you are a reader of Chambers?) The allusions come through, but for the reader who doesn’t know them. they don’t distract – if that makes sense.
One thing that tripped me up – the meter in your final line. The word ‘are’ throws the iamb off for me. I’ll offer a thought; trash or treasure:
“Hidden treasures waiting for the sighted”
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Thank you! And yes, I love Chambers! The last line sounds better without the “are”, but I was keeping with the 11 syllables.
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“Dusk silences the world” – nice opening – and then I like how you have also started the next stanza. Well done.
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Thank you!
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You’re welcome, Mary.
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Keeping up the rhythm is quite hard work. I thought the last line had a bit of a bump that none of the foregoing had? Just a humble opinion from one who doesn’t know anything. 🙂 It’s true how dusk can bring on silence.
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Holly thought the same. So, even though it has the exact same syllable count as the others, the rhythm is a bit distorted. I did notice it also, but can’t make sense of it. Does the rhythm take precedence in that case? Seems it would. I know less than nothing, so I appreciate all feedback. Thank you.
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Jilly, not Holly. Auto correct was not correct.
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It’s just that everything else worked so well. I’m flummoxed by metre too!
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The sixth and seventh lines both seem to have 6 accented syllables the way I read them. The other lines only had 5. This may be where the meter sounds off to some, but I imagine there is room for variation. One might be able to read “unrequited” without accenting “un”. I like the thought of embracing the present darkness “not in want”. in those lines. The content perhaps is what really counts.
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Thanks for commenting. There is so much to learn, even how to read it properly. I shall continue to engage as I can! I reply enjoy everyone’s poems.
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This is wonderful now… love how you have managed to include so many senses in such a small poem
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Thanks so much Bjorn
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