Love Found Deeper

Passion ignites two souls afire burning
Thunder’s warnings of blinding light
Too late in morning of the stormy night
Now the toil begins with mornings turning
Oh the deed be done and we are branded
By promise and by vow begin our trek
We dare not bare the burning ember’s fleck
Lest guilt and sorrow leave us more stranded
Ah, but wait —though choices be unfettered
Look into fallow ground now lying bare
Why toss to wind like explosive petard
Hope not distant or remote as an isle
And storms are memory after repair
Love can grow though nothing looks as fertile

dVersepoetspun.com. A sonnet. 14 lines, ABBA,ABBA,CDC,CDC. An argument, a Volta (turn), A resolution. Bjorn, give me some feedback. This took a lot of thought.  It seems my ending is dangling, but it is 14 lines.

 

Advertisements

About Mary (tqhousecat)

I am a wife and a mother of two grown children. Recently I have begun writing a couple of blogs. One poetry and one on hope. I only wish that whoever reads this will be blessed, inspired and occasionally amused. Soon to be added is another blog...writings on hope from a biblical perspective. Now it can be seen at purplepandasandotherphenomena.blogspot.com. please feel free to visit.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Love Found Deeper

  1. The last line is really powerful (not really dangling)… the rhymescheme is challenging and sometimes it seem a bit forced (can do that for me as well)… sometimes when I get that feeling a search for slanted rhymes (or b-rhymes).. to “soften” it a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lynn__ says:

    Gotta look that one up…. I like the hope in the end 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Gina says:

    a very good flow to the sonnet, the end ties up to the start

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Frank Hubeny says:

    Nice line: “And storms are memory after repair”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. rob kistner says:

    Nicely written Mary I enjoyed this, especially the line Frank mentioned…

    Like

  6. kim881 says:

    I agree with Bjorn about slanted rhymes softening the overall effect of a set rhyme scheme. I really like the closing lines and the uncertainty of the last line, which leaves me with questions.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I especially like “and storms are memory after repair.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. msjadeli says:

    this line jumped out for me “Now the toil begins with mornings turning” it’s where the rubber hits the pavement….

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Sabio Lantz says:

    Fascinating write.
    With my first fast read I felt a tension — a secret story — deep meaning.
    But the meaning was never clear for me as I kept reading. I was puzzled.
    I was hoping for clarity, but things got fuzzier.

    Reading the comments did not help either — no one discussed meaning, but instead, as is common, just naming a phrase or two that they liked.

    But your poem seems to be rich, fertile ground.
    A colleague of mine at work read it too and had the same impressions.
    So let me share our thoughts (hope you don’t mind)

    We both thought the first part was describing a sexual affair — the deed done, the morning after.

    But, was the affair regretted, or was the writer hoping it would go further, or was the writer thinking of their other spouse/lover and wondering if he/she should go back to that and nurture it? Do they keep the passion secret from each other or from your partners? Is it the partners to whom you had promise or vow?

    Or are we totally wrong. Why the secrecy in the poem too?

    So much not clarified and vague. Yet so rich.

    Construction thoughts:
    (1) The petard line was odd (not a common word used just foe rhyme, it seems. stretched)
    (2) “Fallow ground” is ground lying bare, so the seems unnecessarily redundant.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your thoughts and writing help. I am in self training. I welcome the assist and am not offended by another perspective or literary instruction. It is a personal issue, thus the secrecy and ambiguity. I’m glad you found it rich nonetheless. I think it adds to a poem when some things are unsaid. Yes, petard was stretching it. Rhymezone is to blame, I did that in a bit of frustration and haste. Fallow ground and lying bare…well, never saw the redundancy, so thank you for pointing it out. It was my first real try at a sonnet, as is a lot of the prompts here. I love the challenge!

      Like

      • Sabio Lantz says:

        Cool. I get the point of hiding a personal thing. Good first sonnet — I am very much a beginner myself too. It was just one reader’s impression. Cheers

        Like

  10. Mish says:

    I can appreciate the work you poured into this, Mary. I have struggled with the form, myself as more of a free verse writer. I like the formal, dramatic style you’ve infused consistently. Though the story remains personal, it is clear that there is a struggle or turmoil and there is relief and hope in this line….”storms are memory after repair”. The sonnet is not my expertise, but I think you did a wonderful job!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Brand new at the form as well and it is hard work. I enjoy the rhythms the form demands. Well done. No favourite line, all good.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s